Today I lost the battle with my OCD. The day had a promising start, but when I left work, I just lost it. It's difficult to explain. Like I have this feeling that my body is not aligned. My right side is off from the left. The feeling is especially strong in my legs, making me feel the constant need to move the right side of my body and causing high levels of anxiety. All attempts at mindfulness and concentration failed and as a last resort, I ended up popping a few Ativan. It helped for a while, but the feelings are getting stronger again. Hopefully it won't give me problems falling asleep tonight.
I guess it's not a complete loss though. I have more of an understanding of dukkha (suffering). Nothing is permanent. While there is suffering, there must also be non-suffering (peace). The suffering of the now is just that - in the now. It will pass because it, like everything else, is impermanent. That's a comfort.
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