Oneness

Imagine you are a wave in the ocean. You're rolling along thinking, "I am a wave called Olivia." But maybe you don't like your shape. You'd like to be a little taller, a little thinner. The other waves are getting too close to you. You don't like your place in the ocean. None of these things are really your fault. This is a thing we call karma. The moon is pulling, the wind is blowing, the other waves are pushing up against you, and that's giving you the shape you don't like. That's what we call suffering. Furthermore, you can see the shore where the waves all crash and end and you're afraid. As you get closer to the shore, you loosen your grip and peter out. Now the whole thing is ocean, no wave.

Through practice, a simple but profound thing happens. You realize that you are the ocean and not just the wave. The wave was always nothing more than ocean. There is no wave that is not ocean. If you are a wave you are also the ocean. The Japanese call this experience of glimpsing the simple truth kensho.

Enlightenment is when you catch a glimpse of kensho and see it deeply, and then it stays with you so that you walk around, unable to forget that you're the ocean as well as the wave. Enlightenment can become more and more lucid. It never ends. What might begin to end is the feeling that you are missing something.



Then comes embodiment, the second part of the practice. A person who has realized that she is the ocean begins to behave like the ocean. How does the ocean behave differently than a wave? When you're a wave and don't know that you're also the ocean, the other waves irritate you and you elbow them out of the way. When you are the ocean, you realize that all waves are you. The urge to get more and the lack of appreciation for what is and who we are loses its potency. We gradually accept this new reality we've dropped into.

Enlightenment ends the strong karma. Enlightenmet ends the illusion that you know who you are. Enlightenment ends the suffering caused by thinking that you are an alienated being living in a strange place, dying and becoming dust. You're emancipated. You're free.

Lazy Saturday

Things to do on a lazy Saturday...

~Get up early, drink tea and meditate
~Sit outside on the porch, smoke a cigarette and read
~Roll another pack of cigarettes
~Tell your family you love them
~Watch random youtube videos
~Add items to your Amazon wishlist
~ Journal
~Take a long walk
~Write 'thinking of you' cards to those who could use the encouragement
~Search the web for yummy vegetarian recipes
~Watch a Desperate Housewives marathon
~Listen to old Frank Zappa vinyls
~Learn to play a new song on guitar
~Declutter/Organize living area
~Go to the bookstore
~Sit in a coffeeshop and write bad poetry
~Call a friend you haven't heard from in a while
~Fold laundry
~Take a nap
~Download new music onto the trusty ole' iPod
~Create your future family on the Sims 3
~Plan a day trip

To Life!

A month and a day has passed since my last post and so much has happened. So many lessons learned, experience gained, and doors opening up. I was hospitalized again and for the first time in my history of hospitalizations, I feel like I really got the help that I needed. When I got out, there was nowhere to go - too many bridges burned and contact lost with those I love the most. I lived on the streets for 2 weeks, staying in churches, parks and shelters, everything I owned carried on my back, meeting people from every path of life, making mistakes and making right choices, taking each day as it came, and learning something new with each step I took. It was an experience that taught me to be grateful for all the blessings I've been given, and to take nothing for granted. It made all too real to me the harsh realities of life and opened my eyes to the way so many live their lives. Now I am back home, living with my parents, getting ready to start my new job, and living life with a new understanding of how things are, how I want them to be, and the effort it will entail to make my hopes and dreams a reality.

I've set up a daily routine for myself and am already feeling healthier and happier. To bed early each night and up early every morning, medication, 30 minutes of meditation, an hour of physical exercise, volunteer work taking care of the horses at my Mom's work, organizing paperwork, helping out around the house, an hour spent outside enjoying nature, lots of reading, trying out new vegetarian recipes, catching up with my Mom before bed, medication, meditation, then bed. Repeat. I don't start my new job at the health food store until Monday, so until then when my schedule will change a bit, I'm going to stick to this plan. It keeps me busy, happy, healthy, and out of trouble.

One of the changes I committed to making is not using drugs or being around others who do. The same goes for drinking. I've realized that it only hurts, never brings any lasting good and hinders my ability to stay present in the moment and enjoy all that the now offers. It is also in accordance with the 8 noble truths. Right effort. Right action. Right thought. Right mindfulness. Next on the list - quit smoking cigarrettes. Phew! Wish me luck on that one.

Overall, feeling that life is good. Counting my blessings now more than ever and focusing on infusing into my daily life and thinking the ways of the 8 fold path.

Blessings to all and I plan to be posting regularly in the future as well as catching up with the month I missed by posting some of my hand written journal entries during my time in the hospital and on the street. Watch for updates! Peace, Love, and Happiness to all. Blessings. Olivia

Dream A Little Dream Of Me

One of my favorites from Mama Cass. The sixties live on!!

Luckiest Girl

I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have such a tremendously supportive best friend. He would do anything in the world for me and has literally given me the shirt off his back. Sure, we sometimes get into trouble together, but he's always right beside me. Always there to do whatever I need; to help me up when I've fallen down, to offer me a cigarette, buy me chocolate, and make a 4 hour round trip twice in a week to visit me in the hospital. Always there to offer advice, support, and encouragement, hug me when I need a hug, and kick me in the ass when I'm feeling sorry for myself. Austin, you're my best friend and I love you.

A Mindfulness Meditation; Week 5

For this last week, spend it observing what you consume. Does what you consume preserve peace, well-being, and joy? When you have an urge for a little dose of poison, see what motivates your impulse. Notice your addictions (or compulsive habits) and observe what beliefs they satisfy. Habits are of course habit-forming, so note those you'd like to foster and those you'd like to leave behind.

RIP Amy Winehouse

I was in the hospital when I heard that Amy had passed from this life. It surprised me a little that I cried. She had so much talent, so much beauty, but she couldn't escape her demons. So troubled at such a young age, its such a shame. I cried for the battle lost, the fragile woman lost. In one of my journals from several years ago I predicted she would be the next to join the 27 club. I wish I'd been wrong. May your spirit live on in peace Amy.